|
The Place Beyond Hunger. Can we find a place of peace and understanding through the practice of ritual fasting? Nigel Sheppard searched for spiritual awareness, his path taking him him via Buddhist, Hindu and Native American practices until he came unexpectedly back full circle to his own Welsh roots. |
|
It is difficult to describe to those who have not undergone a ritual of fasting and prayer, the profundity of the experience. Our modern senses are dulled by a material world that is built around our fear of the dark and the unknown. Fasting in a ritual context, undertaken with meditation, vigil and prayer, can substantially alter our perceptions of the universe, even for a brief instant, and so enable the individual to experience a profound rite of passage. The psychological re-adjustment that is experienced on a retreat based upon fasting and prayer connects us to our primal psyche, enables a return to our sacred roots. ESCAPING THE CROWDS My first experience of fasting was at a Buddhist monastery in the 1980's during the festival of Vesak. In attempting to get away from the crowds of visitors who had descended on the monastery, I went to a meditation hut or kuti in a nearby wood. I spent twenty-four hours at the hut practising a meditation technique which involved concentrating on the 'in' and 'out' breath ( annapannasati). Afterwards I found that I was neither hungry nor tired, and when I went back to the monastery I sought out a monk and asked him about fasting as a method of calm meditation ( samatha). I had found that in practising annapannasati, my normally over-active, unruly mind had become more aware of my surroundings, had developed a contemplative quality in which I could transcend the mundane sensations of the body. PROPERLY PREPARED The monk I found to instruct me on fasting was quite keen that I should extend the experience to about four days - but first a period of preparation would be necessary. Urging me to end my fast that day and to return to the everyday life of the monastery, he said he would prepare a retreat programme that I could follow and he would supervise for a ten-day period starting at the next full moon. It would comprise a three-day preparation period, a four-day fast and a three-day recovery period. As a lay person resident at the monastery I had undertaken eight sila or precepts; these included not taking anything that was not given, right speech, chastity, renunciation, sobriety, restraint, alertness and avoiding killing anything. When I decided to make this retreat I felt that I should change myself in some physical way, especially given its special significance through being a fast. I decided that I would shave my head - although this was somewhat against the spirit of the precept of restraint - and allowed a novice to shave my already short hair. The experience of the retreat was quite profound. I became extremely mindful of the body, and was able to sit effortlessly for many hours without the need to change position. As a result I was very aware of the stillness of the mind. Hunger was not my constant companion, in fact I only noticed it when I left my meditative state to move around. But even then I found that essential tasks, such as fetching water, could become a meditative experience, and so any thoughts of hunger were chased away. A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING During the next three years, I undertook two such retreats each year, and became something of a fasting and meditation 'junkie'. I would find that when I was not on retreat, I would be looking forward to the time when I could go. Obviously my practice of renunciation had unconciously become the object of my desire! And so I began to search out another source of understanding and discovered the tantric traditions of Vajrayana Buddhism and the Dzogchen of the Nying-Ma School and the Uttara Kaula Tantra of Sivaistic Hinduism. This form of Buddhism produces the famous chod (chu) Yogis and Yoginis of the Himalayas, who are said to be able to fly, travel in time, survive death uncorrupted. They practice their craft for twenty years before they are allowed to teach others. Yogis and Yoginis spend a great deal of time alone in meditative contemplation, exercising and repeating the teachings they have undertaken 100,000 times or more. UNEXPECTED TRADITION The deeper I travelled along this Buddhist path, the more I became drawn to the native spirituality of Britain. In the summer of 1993 I retired to Cadair Idris in Meirioneth, North Wales, for a Dzogchen Buddhist retreat. Whilst there, longforgotten nursery rhymes and folk tales from my own Welsh childhood in the mining villages of Glamorgan and Carmarthenshire came back to me, and realised that the quirky little 'practices' of my relatives were in fact holding echoes of my own native Welsh traditions. The knowledge I had been searching for in Buddhism had in fact been right in front of me all along. EXPLORING THE WHEEL It was during a fast and a retreat that I realised that I am in fact a pagan in the fullest sense of the word. So to explore the native British path of Druidry, I enrolled on a course of study for the Bardic Grade, but soon felt that my experiences of Buddhism and Bon, had taken me beyond the simple lessons of a correspondence course. I began to read widely about the Native American Medicine Wheel. I studied the works of the Cheyennemetis teacher, Hyemeyohsts Storm. When I had read his first work 'Seven Arrows' some years previously, I had taken it to be a simple tale of Native Americans, rather than seeing it as holding deeper traditional teachings of profound significance. Now, as I began to study these Medicine Wheel ways with Jan Morgan Wood and Nicholas Breeze Wood, I found myself startled by the intellectual content of the teachings. Some of the psychological insights behind these teachings are truly amazing and profound. A WELSH QUEST In June 1999 I undertook a vision quest based on this Medicine Way. Native American vision quests, I discovered, are not endurance tests for macho warriors, but are undertaken for the good of the community as individual acts of denial, which have a spiritual impact upon the life of the family, clan, tribe or nation. I made my quest in North Wales, this time in full view of Cadair Idris, on the opposite side of the mountain to where I had realised my pagan 'inclinations'. During the quest I asked the land about its deep history and connection to humanity, aware of several traditional tales from the area, especially those relating to the Bendith y Mamau - the female genus loci of Welsh legend. The quest gave me very powerful teachings and within a month, I returned to an area on Cadair Idris to spend two days meditating on the experience. MEETING WITH GWYDION I began the first evening of this second retreat by offering a small fire and incense to the mountain spirits and to the ancestors who inhabit the land. I was prepared for an all-night vigil of meditation and contemplation. Yet as I settled down I began to experience the first 'vision' that I had ever had through fasting and meditation. Sitting in the lea of a great rock and practising annapannasati, I began to visualise Gwydion, a princely figure from the ancient Welsh Mabinogian myth, sitting Buddha-like in the posture of the god Cernunnos as depicted on the famous Gundestrop Cauldron. Gwydion was surrounded by an incalculable number of students, all stretching back to the great source of druidic philosophy. Before Gwydion was Don (Dawn), in the guise of the eternally dancing rhythm of the universe, the heartbeat of creation. Gwydion was teaching the Druids who surrounded him, and in turn they were teaching their students throughout an eternity of Druidry. Instantly a sacred song came to me, and keeping the vision in my mind I chanted it over and over again:
'Dewin a Athro Gwydion
'Druid and Teacher Gwydion I had received a recondite teaching of great strength and resolved to use this visionary experience and sacred chant to seek to understand Gwydion's teachings. I have used this visualisation for the past three years and have certainly exceeded the 100,000 times recommended as a minimum basis for practice by yogic masters! My fasting and meditation retreats have continued in several locations in Wales, including the Paviland Cave on the Gower Peninsula near Swansea, and at the Maen Madoc standing stone on the Sarn Helen Roman Road near Banwen in Glamorgan - birthplace of the Christian evangelist St. Patrick. At all times I have carried out visualisations of Gwydion as my Druid master, and have received insights into the ancient teachings he carries. PRACTISE WITH CARE A fasting quest has to be done with a certain amount of circumspection and common sense. Fasting is not for everyone - especially if you are susceptible to hypo-glycaemia, heart disease, epilepsy, or hypertension. You should consult a doctor before undertaking fasting and must judge for yourself if you should proceed whilst on medication, or if you are vulnerable in some non-physical way, such as suffering from panic attacks, food disorders or depression. Any such retreat ritual should also have a sound practical basis and be done within as safe a framework as possible, without detracting from the experience. This would include getting the support of people experienced in fasting retreats and sacred practices to 'base camp' for you during your fast - people you can trust to support and look out for your safety and well-being. It is particularly advisable that these people have undertaken periods of fasting themselves. The prior experience of these base camp supporters will also give you support during the days leading up to the fast, as well as through its duration and then afterwards during your recovery period. HAVING A REASON There should also be clear personal reasons for making this sacred journey. The quester should be coming from a non-egotistical position motivated by the wish to produce a positive effect on the sacred aspects of one's life. It may, for instance, provide a catalyst to start a new phase of life; or mark the beginning of a period of personal challenge or introspection; or it may be used to deepen your knowledge of your spiritual path. Throughout my exploration of various ancient spiritual paths, ritual fasting has enabled me to gain personal insights that have been both useful and valid. It is a way of changing and developing perception that has been used over many centuries and in many cultures, as individuals have sought to add their own sacred experience to the sum of human awareness.
Nigel Sheppard lives and works in Wales,
he has run workshops on the Mabinogion,
Druidry and Storytelling.
© Nigel Sheppard. Archived with permission on The Sigilhouse. Originally published in Sacred Hoop Issue 40 2003. |
